God, sometimes I forget to say thank you just because. I know my work and personal situation is not the best but it is not the worse. You see, I picked up lunch today for some folks in the office and this homeless old man asked me for change. Didn’t haven’t any on the way in but on the way out, I gave him the little bit I got back and he was extremely gracious. Most times they just take it from you and don’t say anything but he said thank you and God bless. And I have to admit God, you have blessed me because that could have been me. Done a lot of things where I should be worse off, know a lot of people that are. So even though I might have all I want, I have all I need & you allowed me to see another beautiful day so I say THANK YOU!
Black’s Jewels 8/16/13
Although the enemy keeps trying to remind you how dark your past was, never lose faith in how bright God said your future will be. There is a purpose in your pain so don’t give up yet, go get your blessing. Have a great weekend!
I had to remind myself last night of this because someone that I hurt in the past is still holding on to that person I was. Every time I think it was buried, they would keep bringing it up. I had to finally forgive myself in order to move on because it got to a point I realized they were not. I know I am not who I use to be and I know I will make more mistakes but I know there is a purpose because I am still here. There are things I did & situations I put myself in, where the angel of death should have taken my life and God should have let him but my belief tells me Jesus stepped and asked God to let me live because my life had a purpose. So even on days when I feel I am alone, or people are mad at me, or I am not making the right decisions or my life feels like it is meaningless, I say to myself….
My vision is so nearsighted God so I can’t see what you have in store for me over the horizon. I know the path to get there will not be easy but whatever it is, I believe it is so much more wonderful, magnificent and amazing than what I have right now. And even if I don’t live to see my future blessings, I thank you for everything you have done because you have brought me a mighty long way. Amen.
My Apology to Martin Luther King Jr.
Dear Dr. King,
As I stand here tonight at your memorial to find hope, I can only say I am sorry. Sorry that your dream has now become our nightmare. Sorry that what you saw in your vision, those that lead us are many times too blind to see. Sorry that all the different races spend more time worrying about how ugly our similarities are than how beautiful our differences can be. Sorry that so many people have stopped focusing on being parents to their kids & started concentrating on being their friends. Sorry that we no longer live in neighborhoods but in hoods where no one wants to be neighbors. Sorry that our society can cause innocent little children to become evil-minded adults. Sorry that Christians spend as much time praying that God will make things better, as they spend judging those who are trying to be better. Sorry that we still support athletes and entertainers that degrade our women and disrespect those that paved the way for their success. And I am sorry we no longer have villages to raise our kids but we leave them to the animals in the concrete jungle. You see, 10 years ago I almost gave up on life but I am better now. So I ask that you help inspire me to be the change I want to see so that on that day when I am called home, they may engrave on my tombstone that my living was not in vain. I appreciate this talk and thank you!
Black’s Jewels 7/12/13
As you go through life, people are always going to think they know what is going on with you based on the little bit of information that might be public. They may think you’re not doing well at your job, you are partying too much, your kids aren’t being raised right, your marriage/relationship is falling apart or just that your life is full of drama/chaos, all because of what they might see or hear. Some will discuss your actions and reactions because they will always believe that they know what’s best. Others will try to steal your joy and happiness by finding faults in everything you do good.
That said, it is your life, so live it and never allow other people’s perceptions to become your reality.
Black’s Jewels 6/29/13
The only thing harder than walking away from a bad relationship/friendship is not turning around to go back. Fear of the unknown can cause people to stay in unhealthy situations but I would rather be happy by myself than miserable with someone else. Life is too short and you only get one shot, so go get your blessings!
When That Day Comes…Don’t Cry for Me!
While hearing a Pastor speak this past Monday at a home going service, a thought came to mind that I haven’t been able to shake. When I get called home, do not mourn my passing, do not grieve, do not be sadden & do not be in pain. Do not dwell on the “what if’s, I wish we had’s, we should have’s, we needed to’s or we never got to do’s” for things happened the way they were supposed to. Instead, I ask that you rejoice in the times we spent together and all the good memories for I have enjoyed and learned from every good or bad stop I’ve made along this journey we call life. You see, since our time on this earth is never promised and only God knows when it will run out, we must make the most of every day.
So on that day when God sends for me and he says, “My son, well done. Your room is prepared, come home!” I ask that you just remember this….
“If I can help somebody, As I travel along,
If I can help somebody, With a word or song,
If I can help somebody, From doing wrong,
My living shall not be in vain.”
Black’s Jewels 5/28/13 – Lay It At the Altar
I haven’t written in a while. No inspirational thoughts. No positive words. No fuel for the fire. No nothing. I haven’t had it in me. I’ve been down, I’ve been out, I’ve been sad, I’ve been frustrated and once again I’ve been depressed.
When I was younger, I use to say that I don’t understand how folks claim to suffer from depression, until it happened to me. And it is strange how it works. I can be riding high for hours, days or weeks until something happens, then in minutes, my mood changes and I become an introvert. I don’t want to go out, I don’t want to hang with friends and if I am at work, I don’t won’t to talk to people unless necessary. The one time when I hit rock bottom, I was heavily drinking and hated everything about my life. I even use to see a doctor who showed me I was avoiding dealing with a lot of things going wrong in my life, which is what lead to my depression. But after I confronted those demons, I was riding high for a number of years. Then something happened again over the last few years and I could not put my finger on it. I had a job, a nice place to live, a car and enough extra money to allow me to travel once or twice a year but something still wasn’t right. I was still fighting off the feelings again. For a while I thought it was because I was scared of 40. You see at 40, people judge you when you are single and no kids. So I decided, when I hit 40, I wanted to do a trip with friends and family but after weeks/months of trying to set it up, that idea fell through.
Then sitting around my place one day in April, it hit me, just take a trip somewhere you’ve been wanting to go, by yourself. That trip ended up being Phoenix, AZ. I spent 5 days at a resort, where I was able to do some horse back riding, hiking and sight-seeing of mountains. Even had dinner with a couple of friends that moved out there from the east coast. Yet, one of the best things I was able to do, was talk to God and get some things off my chest. As my elders say, I needed to lay some things at the altar. And you don’t always need to be in a church to do so. Sometimes you have to come to God right where you are at that space in time. And after I did that, there became a point when I was no longer lonely. I was no longer scared of the future. I was no longer mad at my past. And I could begin to accept I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I know I will mistakes and I will sin again. But I also know that God’s love is so powerful and so comforting. It has healing power, it creates purpose and joy like nothing else in the world. So if you are carrying a burden or a weight that is so heavy that it is holding you down, let it go. Stop beating yourself up over something that God has already forgiven you for. You must believe that you are not your past, you are so much more than who you use to be. Time to let it go and leave it at the altar!
Happy Memorial Day!
Today, mourn not our fallen soldiers but praise them. Because they were brave, we are able to live in the land of the free. They have served & defended this country by giving their lives even when our government and we as the people didn’t deserve it. And as they lay in eternal rest, we thank them because they have given their best. So we honor them on this Memorial Day!
To All the Mothers….
All I Know How to do is Pray
In the wake of the bombing in Boston, I had so many feelings that I couldn’t explain. I was mad, frustrated, angry, tired, drained and scared yet relieved. I have many friends and family in Boston that I was worried sick until they all checked in. But I know many families did not get that feeling of relief last night. Many are still in pain today. All this violence lately has become senseless yet so normal. It seems somewhere over the last few years, we lost the Human part and now we are just Beings. Now I could curse and vent but it would get me nowhere. So at this point, the only thing I can do is pray. And as I was sitting down to write this morning, one of my favorite songs came on….and the words basically said what was in my heart. If you have the time, please listen because you will find this song to be amazing. Whatever burdens you have weighing on your heart and your soul, take it to the King!
Truth is I’m tired, Options are few
I’m trying to pray, But where are you?
I’m all churched out, Hurt and abused
I can’t fake, What’s left to do?
Truth is I’m weak, No strength to fight
No tears to cry, Even if I tried
But still my soul, Refuses to die
One touch-will change-my life
Take Me To The King, I don’t have much to bring
My heart’s torn into pieces, It’s my offering
Lay me at the throne
Leave me there alone
To gaze upon Your glory, And sing to You this song
Please Take Me To The King!
Black's Jewels 